It is Well (Brave Every Day)

lighthouse_waveYour experience may be different. But my depression is typically more numbness than sadness. Little feeling. No tears.

So when something pierces through enough to cause a welling up, I know to pay attention. (More regular tears in recent days tell me I’m on a recovering path.)

The old hymn It is Well with my Soul is one of those things that can always cut me to the quick. And Matt Redman’s newly released acoustic version came to my ears at the right time. (Lyrics & Link below)

But it puzzled me. How could I sing those words with so much conviction while knowing I was so lost inside myself? How did I know that I know that I know that indeed It is Well even while knowing in equal measure that so many things were not OK?

The wars we wage inside ourselves are multi-faceted.

My body craves sugar on a physical level. My mind wants it as a comfort. My spirit is used to letting a liar have its way with words about my worth. It’s a battle on many fronts.

But my soul is secure.

For God alone my soul waits in silence;
From Him comes my salvation.
He alone is my rock and my salvation,
My defense and my strong tower; I will not be shaken or disheartened. (Ps 62: 1-2, Amplified)

No matter the state of my mind, my heart, my spirit, or my body, there is a place that is secure.

My soul rejoices.

And It Is Well.

 

It is Well with My Soul, by Matt Redman

Our scars are a sign
Of grace in our lives
Oh Father how You brought us through

When deep were the wounds
And dark was the night
The promise of Your love You proved

Now every battle still to come
Let this be our song

It is well with my soul
It is well
It is well with my soul

Weeping may come
Remain for a night
But joy will paint the morning sky

You’re there in the fast
You’re there in the feast
Your faithfulness will always shine

Now every blessing still to come
Let this be our song

It is well with my soul
It is well
It is well with my soul

You lead us through battles
You lead us to blessing
And You make us fruitful
In the land of our suffering God
It is well
It is well with my soul
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brave-squareIn response to the 31 Day blogging challenge, I will be publishing EVERY DAY in October — reporting on ways I reach out to bravery in my everyday life. (See all posts to date HERE.) To be alerted to new posts, please follow me on Facebook or Twitter using the links on the right side of this page. Or Subscribe to get posts sent to your Email.

PLEASE use the comment section to share your own thoughts, questions, or experiences of everyday bravery. It’s a road better traveled with friends.

Tunneling from Both Sides (Brave Every Day)

She said she’s caught a glimpse of me again. In my writing these last few days.

And with these few, but heartfelt words, another layer begins to slough off.

I know I’ve been away. From far more than this blog.

Hiding. In plain sight. In the midst of a pretty great life. Good job. Strong marriage. Fantastic son.

Working. Playing. Smiling. Laughing. And all the other things that are pretty good at masking depression. Even from yourself. While each day cocooning another layer around a fragile soul. Plastering over a fracture I didn’t even know was there.

Until I’d completely lost sight of myself, too.

It was not a single moment that alerted me that I was hearing the world in muted voices, seeing my life through a fogged view. Like a frog boiled slowly, the changes had been too subtle to notice. Until they simply weren’t ignorable anymore. I had disappeared.

But how does one escape a pit dug so deeply over so much time?

You come at it from both sides.

So here’s what I want you to do, God helping you: Take your everyday, ordinary life—your sleeping, eating, going-to-work, and walking-around life—and place it before God as an offering … Fix your attention on God. You’ll be changed from the inside out.  (Romans 12:1-2. The Message)

It occurred to me at some point that if I was lost deep within myself, I had an ally on the inside. It was faint, but I could hear her, assuring me we could find each other again. She is the warrior inside — the one aligned with the God who also lives in me. She is fighting her way through even as I peel back the layers from this side of things.

Finding my way home from all possible directions. One fresh glimpse of myself at a time.

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brave-squareIn response to the 31 Day blogging challenge, I will be publishing EVERY DAY in October — reporting on ways I reach out to bravery in my everyday life. (See all posts to date HERE.) To be alerted to new posts, please follow me on Facebook or Twitter using the links on the right side of this page. Or Subscribe to get posts sent to your Email.

PLEASE use the comment section to share your own thoughts, questions, or experiences of everyday bravery. It’s a road better traveled with friends.

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