one girl's journey to let go of the rulebook and embrace her already abundant life
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Love Without End, Amen (Brave Every Day)

Maybe I’m not a fan of standard mathematics because I prefer God’s version. Where 5 stones+1 boy=1 felled giant and 5 loaves+2 fish=more than 5000 fed and Grace>Sin Which is why I love Momastery Love Flash Mob days. Where lots of people each give a little money to make one humongous difference. And always for the purpose of spreading Love — especially to those who just haven’t gotten much of it in their lives to this point. I had been struggling to know what to write today. Struggling to express any intelligent feeling at all. So I’m going to borrow my brave from the midwives in Haiti today. And the mamas fighting for their babies. And the babies fighting for their next breath. And for all the love and dollars we can muster. (So go Flash Mob of Worth, please.) For all of us who need a reminder of our Unsurpassable Worth. Unsurpassable. Like infinity. Because Love divided always comes back multiplied. Always. ______________________________________________________________________________________________ In response to the 31 Day blogging challenge, I will be publishing EVERY DAY in October — reporting on ways I reach out to bravery in my everyday life. (See all posts to date HERE.) To be alerted to new posts, please follow me on Facebook orTwitter using the links on the right side of this page. Or Subscribe to get posts sent to your Email....

In Fields of Grace (Brave Every Day)

One tiny step in front of another. Heel, toe. Heel, toe. A misstep is too costly on the high wire. Life becomes a balancing act. One fraught with fear. For there is zero margin for error. It’s a long way down. *** We knew the philosophy of the organization from the beginning. Pull your weight or sit it out. Everyone is replaceable. There is a mark, and it must be met. Still it hurt us all when he was pulled. I sat with the sadness for days. Not quite sure why it laid me so open. Embarrassment? Shame? Pure old-fashioned anger? A truly visceral reaction to the “not good enough” laid before us. Tiny missteps. Big consequences. But what if, my heart wonders. What if the pressure was removed? What if they could just play? What if their standing wouldn’t change based on mistakes? What if errors were met with extra chances? *** “Your spot is secure, Beth.” And there is was. The answer to all my aching. A heart pained from walking the high wire. Holding my breath with every movement, nervous of doing it wrong. Fearful that something could come along without warning and knock me from “good girl” status. With irreversible damage. Because His kingdom has not yet fully come. And “three strikes you’re out” is the way of the world. But Grace. But God. “Your spot is secure.” *** In the green pastures near still waters, the way is wide. Room to roam. To explore. To run and play. To zig and zag. A stumble is met with the soft landing of lush grass. It’s easy to brush yourself off and walk again. The measurements there are different. In the fields of grace.               _______________________________ In response to the 31 Day blogging challenge, I will be publishing EVERY DAY in October — reporting on ways I reach out to bravery in my everyday life. (See all posts to date HERE.) To be alerted to new posts, please follow me on Facebook or Twitter using the links on the right side of this page. Or Subscribe to get posts sent to your Email....

Empty is Not a Bad Word (Brave Every Day)

There are blank spaces in the line up. The Write 31 Days campaign is short a few. And Write 28ish Days doesn’t have the same ring. First, technical issues (source still unknown) shut down my site for enough of a day to throw off my posting schedule. And then I got busy. Then tired. Then apathetic. Then out of sorts. It’s tempting to go back and try to fill the spaces. So the days are complete. Perfect attendance. I used to do that with my daily journal. Find where I’d left off, think back, and write from memory. Or fill it in with a quote. Anything to keep myself from staring into the blankness. Any way to plant a flag of “I was here” on a 24-hour period of time. As if only writing it down would prove my existence in the world. I can’t tell you the last day pen hit paper in my 5-year book. Months. There’s no way to fill that kind of space. Besides, the only way to be honest about those days are to leave them blank. Because I’ve been pretty absent from myself. *** I find the urge to fill the pages not much different from the urge to fill my stomach. It doesn’t take long for me to be uncomfortable being uncomfortable. To look for something to ease the hunger. To add just about anything into a void to stop it from being hollow. Like a black hole creates a vacuum in the universe, my stomach abhors a rumble. Or a hint of a rumble. Or the possibility a hint of a rumble is coming. But I am learning to give emptiness its space. To fight the urge to fill just for the sake of avoiding a lack. To ask exactly what the right filler might be. To explore the possibility empty is not a bad word. Because maybe empty puts me in the right position to receive. Not to manufacture my own kind of gap plan but to pause. To breathe. To let hunger do its work while I wait. Because He is faithful to bring good gifts in His time. And if I’m already full of the less-than, I’ll never be ready for His best. *** So I will not sugar-coat (pun intended) or arbitrarily fill my missing days this month. My 31 Days will come up a bit short. And that will be exactly as it should be. _______________________________ In response to the 31 Day blogging challenge, I will be...

Tobacco & Cotton (Brave Every Day)

  The tobacco stalks are stripped bare. The yellowed leaves removed. From the bottom up. Until the once full plants stand exposed. Only feet away cotton balls peek through their drying husks. The harvest yet to come. I feel the full weight of both. Both stripped down. And budding new. Both waiting for the turning under. And the anticipation of more becoming. I guess there is no other way. This peeling back piece by piece only to leave a new layer vulnerable to the elements. Tonight the frost will come. And tomorrow the sun. Numb. And thaw. Expose. And bloom. It’s painful. And beautiful. _______________________________ In response to the 31 Day blogging challenge, I will be publishing EVERY DAY in October — reporting on ways I reach out to bravery in my everyday life. (See all posts to date HERE.) To be alerted to new posts, please follow me on Facebook or Twitterusing the links on the right side of this page. Or Subscribe to get posts sent to your Email....

Holding Space & Accepting Help (Brave Every Day)

  Months ago I knew I needed to. Weeks ago I said I would. Yesterday I made the call. Today it was confirmed. “I’m holding space for you, Beth,” the therapist said. “Starting right now, you’re sharing the load.” And she was right. I instantly felt it lighten. Admitting a need for help — and then actually asking for it — Good, gosh, that’s hard. You might think I’d know better. My Dad is a professional counselor, after all. And I saw real benefit from time talking with a psychologist during my infertility struggle many years ago. And still… So to get such a confirmation, in a conversation of less than 5 minutes, that my heart was being heard. And held. Well, it started pulling together the brokenness. Helping me to gather the fragments into a manageable pile. A place to start from. Holding space. The promise of a soft place to land. An advance reservation to be accepted without pretense. A seat at the table with the other Ragamuffins feasting on grace. “I go to prepare a place,” He says. Heaven, yes. But here, too. In Him. In nature. In silence. In each other. To float. To dwell. Amen _______________________________ In response to the 31 Day blogging challenge, I will be publishing EVERY DAY in October — reporting on ways I reach out to bravery in my everyday life. (See all posts to date HERE.) To be alerted to new posts, please follow me on Facebook or Twitterusing the links on the right side of this page. Or Subscribe to get posts sent to your Email....

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